By Heather L. E. McKay
Last night I was disgusted to see a post by a Speech Pathologist that said “the neurodiversity-affirming world can swing too far into magical thinking…. And parents are left without grounded, practical support”. This quote sent me into a meltdown. I was so incensed I could not bring my thoughts into order… yes I would usually be ‘able’ to coherently write a reply, or think about why it made me feel what I felt – but in the moment, I became UNABLE…. And this is what we are talking about when we talk about presuming competence.
· I’m capable – some of the time.
· I’m able – some of the time.
· I’m happy – some of the time.
· I’m not disabled – some of the time.
When we (as the) “Neurodiversity-affirming world” tell you that you need to presume competence in anyone – we are NOT saying:
· Deny their disability
· Gaslight them by telling them their want to be presumed competent is unreasonable and ‘magical thinking’
· Assume they don’t need accommodations
· Assume they are ALWAYS competent
I was mad at this speech pathologist because they were gaslighting ND advocates that use the term “Presume Competence” to give information and direction.
Most of the time when we use the term “presume competence”, we are using it to educate and inform parents of disabled children, about how to treat their child, but also how to move forward – away from negative thinking and away from the medical model of disability – which BTW – is ‘magical thinking’ and totally oppressive and fanatical.
It’s a sad fact that parents are often given horrible information and advice from therapists, doctors and ‘experts’ about disability. They are often told something like the BS that RFK was spouting about autism– he said: autistic children ….“will never pay taxes, they'll never hold a job, they'll never play baseball, they’ll never use a toilet….” This is presuming INcompetence. And this is what we are telling you to never do.
It's not only horribly and disgustingly wrong, demeaning and oppressive, it’s also f-d up!!! You have no idea what a child will or won’t do in their life – whether they are disabled or able, NT or ND, green or purple, horse or fish. You have no idea if they’ll become a lawyer or a criminal, a soldier or a nurse, a single person or a married person etc etc etc…. When you tell someone what they will and won’t achieve/ do – you limit and oppress them. But you also discriminate against them, shame them, embarrass them and hurt them.
When we say presume competence – we are NOT saying that they WILL do EVERYTHING either! Don’t be that person who everyone hates – the person who just wants to argue with the words that were uttered or printed just because they want to purposely misunderstand you – because they are ableist and just want autistic or otherwise disabled people sound idiotic – the person who wants to infantilise our words, ideas and our sentiments just because you want to raise your own position within society and make yourself seen as more ‘expert’ than the people with the disability…. Don’t be that person who says that we “swing too far into magical thinking” just because you didn’t understand us in the first place, and wanted to make us feel small.
“Magical thinking”?????? it’s not fanatical, unrealistic, outlandish, preposterous, unreasonable, bizarre, ridiculous, absurd, nonsensical or ‘magical’ to think and expect our own family, or doctors, therapists and society; should presume we might achieve or do certain things in our lives.
Just because we have a disability, or even multiple disabilities, does not preclude you from treating us with due respect, dignity and consideration. And it definitely does NOT stop you from helping us while also thinking or hoping that we WILL be able one day, or even now, or tomorrow we WILL or MIGHT… but right now – we need some help, support, love and assistance, or we may need assistance in one or 10 areas forever…. With help we may find a way to prove ableism wrong, but without people around us believing in us and building up our self-confidence and self-capacity – that can often be denied to us and we become dependent on others and learn “Learned Helplessness” (which is what ABA teaches us – see my Book 3 for more information on this).
When you presume incompetence – you are taking away our dignity, robbing us of respect, autonomy or self-worth, esteem and even kindness. Many children who are presumed incompetent know exactly what is happening, they know that they are being demeaned, infantilised, and their spirits crushed. They know that people find them to be a burden, or a problem for their carers – they know – they are aware, they might not be able to tell you, or use mouth words right now – but they know.. and they can carry that pain and hurt for the rest of their lives.
You CAN presume competence AND give accommodations and support simultaneously – they are not mutually exclusive!!!
When you presume competence and assist them at the same time - you are giving the person hope AND support, self-confidence and ability, self-respect and building up their capacity, knowledge and capability. But if you hold in your heart that it’s “magical” or impossible to do both- you are holding onto ableism, you are holding on to the idea that disabled people are only ONE thing – that we can’t be disabled by things AND be able to do other things in the same moment. And you promote learned helplessness and dependency on others.
This is the main issue when people talk about “Profound Autism” (or level 3) and compare it to “Mild Autism” (level 1 – which by the way is ableist and hideous -levels and ‘high’ / ‘low’ should never be used).
What they are doing when they use these ‘functioning’ terms is presuming Incompetence in the “Low functioning” person – which is wrong and harmful – and prevents them from being able- and it oppresses them, limits them and prevents development…. It can make them permanently dependent.
And in “high functioning” people it presumes competence when there might not be any – which is also wrong and harmful because it prevents them from receiving help. It can make them permanently UNable.
Presuming INcompetence and supplying heaps of accommodations is just as bad as presuming competence and NOT supplying any accommodations.
Instead – presume competence, but also understand that there will be times and things that we do want and need help with – don’t assume – ask us and presume we will let you know IF you help us to communicate, IF you support our method of communication, IF you assist us to assist you, IF you listen – not just with your ears, but with your whole being, IF you realise that people with disabilities are just that… PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES …. NOT people with “NEVER”.
We are people “with”… and to achieve, succeed in doing what we want to succeed in – we may need supports, tools, accommodations and understanding… but drop the ‘never’ or ‘magical’ or ‘assumptions’ from your thinking. Yes – some of us will never walk using our own legs, or never be able to use a pen, or never be able to attend certain functions or do certain specific things (in the way that abled people do)… or be able to function in a way that the neurotypical world calls ‘normally’– but we WILL be able to cope, to survive, to live worthy, happy and fulfilling lives, and do things and achieve things in the way WE need to do them….. if we are presumed competent AND given the tools/support we need to do what we want and need.