By Heather L.E. McKay
Why would it be harder, or different to teach an autistic person to swim? Because of our SPD issues AND our co-occurring disabilities.
When I was a child, I developed an allergy to chlorine. Pools in the 80’s were all heavily chlorine based. There weren’t any saltwater pools or alternatives, especially in my rural area. My mother believed I purposely developed the dermatitis and temperature induced urticaria in order to get out of going to swimming, and she may have been part right.
There are stories of people developing physiological conditions due to trauma or extreme stress. And to say that I experienced those things from swimming lessons would be a monumental understatement in the extreme.
Swimming coaches in those days were not like the teachers of today. If you had a fear of water – they’d throw you in. If you had a severe painful reaction to putting your head under water – they’d put their hand on your head and push you under (violently)– making you breathe in water and gag and choke and your whole diaphragm would burn in pain (well that’s what my swimming teachers did to me). Other kids would pick on you for not being able to swim – it is Australia after all, and apparently if you can’t swim – you’re labelled as unAustralian or some other ableist intolerant BS.
I even had 2 boys from my class push me into the deep end of the pool and throw a towel over me – so the teacher couldn’t see that I was drowning underneath it. Were those kids arrested for attempted murder? Of course not! – it was apparently MY fault for not being able to swim.
I was taken to the beach, without my parents’ permission, by our babysitter. The babysitter dragged me into the water even though I begged her not to. My sister tried to hold onto me and stop her from pulling me in – to no avail – my sister was too small to make any effect. The babysitter pulled me in so far that my head was under the water. With each wave I gagged, spluttered, and almost drowned. I finally got free – while she maniacally laughed in glee, and then called me a sook. I sat on the beach towel for the rest of the time burning in the hot sun and shivering in fear. I still cry thinking/writing about it. I hate beaches, pools and swimming because of these experiences. I did have other horrific experiences at school lessons and with friends – but you don’t need to know ALL my trauma to understand that I never learnt to swim – because of them.
The only time I felt safe in the water was when I went fishing with my dad. My dad (also autistic) is a fantastic swimmer and loves water and the ocean – even though he gets horrifically seasick (due to vestibular input issues), he’ll still go boating just because he loves it so much.
Not all autistic people hate water or swimming. My kids love swimming, one of them was born a water baby and was always (dangerously) drawn to it – but luckily had a natural affinity and ability for swimming. But the other one is still learning and has really come into his own in the past couple of months – and now loves it as much as his brother and grandfather.
It wasn’t always like this for him. When he was a little baby – he loved water and would happily splash about for hours. But sometime in toddlerhood he suddenly looked as if he was ‘scared’ of it, or that’s what everyone thought – the real issue was that he found it incredibly painful due to his SPD changes.
This caused him to quite suddenly be completely averse to swimming lessons or bathing or any type of water interactions. This was his SPD. Don’t conflate autism with a hatred / or a liking for water. It’s our SPD that causes issues with water, and our cooccurring disabilities that can prevent us from doing certain things. Eg: motor disinhibition, gross motor skill development delays, allergies, and other things that can prevent us learning to swim or learn some other skills. It may take us longer, or we may never learn them – you shouldn’t assume either way – instead – just support us to learn in our way and in our own time.
So – what did I do for my now water averse child? Did I throw him in the deep end? Did I use exposure therapy? Did I invalidate his feelings? Did I ignore his needs? Did I force him to do it?
Of course NOT!!! I’m not a torturer, I’m not an ABA’ist or PBS technician, I’m NOT a behaviouralist!
I listened to him! I believed him! I showed him love and support!
He was mostly non-speaking at the time, so I asked and tried to communicate with him in a way that honoured his communication means and ability, and we eventually came to an understanding and an agreement. He wanted to play in water – but only if he had complete and utter control. And I understood that – because that’s how my dad had made me feel safe around the water – he gave me complete control – so I did the same for my child.
I backed off. We stopped regular baths with him and being around water for a while – so he could regain his capacity and sense of control, and feeling of safety – I put it totally in his hands. We let him decide what he wanted – when he wanted it. We reset his nervous system, by listening to him, and honouring his needs completely.
I investigated bathing tools and equipment that would make him feel safer – and then I offered them to him – he decided which he liked and wanted to use, and we dumped the others.
Extremely slowly but surely, he regained capacity and ability. His little brother of course was a bit of a hindrance, but also a great influence. He would hate it if his little brother splashed him. But he loved to watch his sibling play in the water, and to play with him – IF he felt safe. So – I as the adult, had to set some boundaries - not consequences or rules – but boundaries that each of them had part in creating and they both agreed to – to honour both their needs simultaneously.
Eg: his little brother needed and wanted to splash – for sensory input; so we made sure he had time alone for this need. But when he played with or near his brother in water – we agreed on no splashing. This created mutual respect but met their individual needs.
A rule would be: No Splashing at all!
A boundary is a mutually agreed upon action or output that meets everyone’s needs: like asking each person what they need and what they don’t, and then finding a way to do both in a way that hurts or harms neither.
We moved towns sometime during this period, and the boys wanted to try swimming lessons. So, I investigated all the local pools and places for lessons. We found one – which I ended up screaming at and demanding an apology and a refund. They were truly abusive, ableist and hideous – I’ll never go back there. They had no idea about inclusive design, or individual needs, or disability. Worst place I’ve come across.
The next was better. We found a pool the boys liked, but the teacher was useless. She was too young and had no idea about ND people or of how to teach really, guide or support.
I investigated other options and felt disillusioned and defeated. I felt I was never going to find anything suitable for both boys. My youngest needed to learn self-control and safety around water, and the other needed to learn self-confidence and build capacity while being properly supported in a nurturing way. But all classes were with other kids, and the coaches immediately said they couldn’t help me. It was too dangerous to have my little one in a class with others, and my elder one was in too much pain from the sensory onslaught that is a large public and overly crowded pool.
I had given up the search when a friend said they’d heard of a teacher that taught in a private pool. I called this person, and we had a great chat. She was a part time nurse, part time swim coach and she immediately made me feel safe. Which is half the battle. Big mama bears who were traumatised by swimming themselves- need to feel safe before they’ll let their children anywhere near the pool, or the teacher.
Together, we decided the best option would be private lessons with just my boys alone with her. But we also realised I’d have to be in the pool with them, until the new coach felt safe with my youngest. Having a toddler who thinks he can swim already -but can’t- can be (and was) a big hazard in a pool. He constantly would just jump in without any thought of danger or care. I always had to keep my eyes on him every second of every day -being ADHD he was into everything, all the time, and he had no fear or sense of self preservation.
The coach went at their pace, and she followed their lead. She never pushed, never insisted, never cajoled or pressured or tried to influence them (she stayed far away from behaviourist tactics). She used child led lessons where she had all the tools that the other kids used in other lessons – and she let my children decide what they wanted to do, when and how they wanted to do it.
My water baby (also PDA) took to this style of support immediately and was swimming independently so quickly that I felt like I had whip lash. I put up with the chlorine induced urticaria until the coach felt confident with him, and it all worked out extremely well. My elder child also loved her way of nurturing supportive education, but it took him longer to trust (as he had a lot of trauma from mainstream schooling, and it’s hard to trust anyone, especially teachers – when they’ve all used ABA on you), but he loves her and treats her like family now, and can’t wait for next week’s lesson.
We’ve been working with this coach for a few years now. My water baby loves diving to the bottom of the pool and picking up toys. He loves to wear flippers and swim like a whale. He’s still overly confident, but at least now we feel safe with him near water.
Both my kids hug this coach, they truly love her, and they hate when we take a winter break or school holiday break from swimming. They nag me about when we’re going back. She built trust and safety with them. My eldest is now also diving to the bottom of the pool and swimming laps. I’m so proud of both of them in achieving what I never could. All it took was a child led approach to learning, neuroaffirming coach, and a pool that they felt safe, (non-perceived), not too loud or bright or busy. It took control – them controlling their learning. Them feeling in control of their own safety and their own development.
Of course I have still not learnt to swim, as I have more trauma than my kids to deal with. More than 4 decades of behaviouralist approaches and truly traumatic events have really taken their toll on me. But this coach and her way of working with my boys has given me hope that maybe one day I could learn – if I had someone calm and supportive like her to help me.
That’s what neuroaffirming education is about. It’s about the adult learning that children will teach themselves (with our assistance), if you trust them and believe in them. If you give them respect and allow them the grace to develop naturally – in their own way, at their own pace – in their own time.
And don’t use toxic tools and techniques to teach.
It’s never too late to learn, but sometimes – if you’ve been traumatised hard enough and long enough – you can feel there’s no way back.
If you have a child that is struggling with something (like potty training, swimming, bathing, fine motor skill development, or anything at all); please consider that they may be dealing with trauma of some sort. Read my previous blog about trauma to find out more about what trauma is and can look like for autistic people.
Try to help them reset their nervous system – we can’t begin to learn something if we are stuck in fight/ flight/ flop/ fawn/ flex responses from trauma. Begin this process by learning to relax and drop all demands, check out my next blog for more information on this vital skill.
And remember that swimming can be overwhelmingly complex and harmful to our SPD and sensory needs – ongoing, possibly for our entire lives. That doesn’t mean that we can’t learn or won’t learn – it just means that you need to find a different way to teach us.
The majority of autistics respond best to child led learning – give it a go and see how it can help. Some will need a little more guidance, others will want none, and others will want a little/ a lot or no structure – let them decide for themselves. Sit back, relax and they will guide you on how they learn best. Everyone in the world is an individual – mainstream education is toxic because it makes children unlearn how THEY learn best… and once that skill is unlearnt and forced out of them – it’s sometimes nearly impossible to regain and relearn.
Goodluck and come back and let me know how you get on.