I just came across someone saying they’d love it if teachers stopped saying this and instead said: “we aren’t paid enough to care about your child”.
It was an interesting read. It went on to talk about how teachers complain about the lack of funding to do things, but that it doesn’t take funds to care – and most of us are just wanting teachers to care about the children.
What makes people think that teachers don’t care?
I’m sure most teachers went into the profession because they do care. I’ve met a few who thought it would be easy having 12 weeks off per year and only working 9 til 3 – but they soon unlearn that or are disappointed to find out the truth.
The writer was talking about their own disabled children, and how their teacher had refused to ‘care’ about the child because there were no more funds for the teacher to spend more time with the child, or to ‘get to know them’. I guess the writer wanted the teacher to show that they understood the needs of a disabled child, but I’m not sure, as I’m not the write of that post. What I did find was a lot of angry teachers replying that they do care, but that their time only stretches so far per day…. Which is true.
I think there was a complete disconnect between what the parent was saying and wanting and what the teachers thought was being said/wanted. It seemed to the teachers – that they thought the parent wanted all the attention on their child and no one elses…. Which simply wasn’t the case – we’re not that selfish! (I do know some people who are, but that’s not what I think was occurring here).
The parent wanted what we all want – school administration to redesign schools and systems. We want the school to allow for time at the start of the school year for the teachers to get to know the students, and for smaller class sizes so that all students needs are met. And we want the teachers to be given proper training – not teacher training – but diversity/ diverse learner training (which they do not receive in University or their placements). Training that shows them how to teach to a diverse group of learners.
The parent wanted them (I think) to show that they understood that concept and understood that their teacher training was inadequate – and asking them to push back on administration and the system with the parent…. But I could be wrong… maybe I’m projecting what I want.
I did agree with the parent that kindness costs nothing – so I’ll talk more about that part.
I came across teachers asking each other, what’s the cheapest way to reward (use reinforcements) to control behaviour in the classroom – because they are broke and can’t afford much.
But ND families actually are begging teachers to stop doing this all together – because we consider it to be abusive. We actually want you to instead build a relationship and get to know your students (our children) – and that costs nothing at all… except time, which teachers say they have none of.
The previous parent I discussed above was speaking about this too – they seemed to want the teacher to stop punishing their child for being unable (by not giving them rewards/withholding rewards) – and instead show simple kindness and ask the child why? Why they couldn’t? Why they did certain things? Which actually takes less time than the behaviour modification techniques that teachers use – and it builds that relationship in seconds that we want most. A simple “why?” is the quickest way to earn respect and kindness from anyone.
When we change “stop that”, “go to the office”, “you’re in a time out for 15 minutes”, “sit down”, “be quiet” to “why?” we aren’t adding time or effort – we’re actually building the relationship and gaining time… because once you know why – it likely won’t happen again – because you now have the knowledge/information and skill to know what to do differently next time (saving you time in the future).
If you are finding yourself in every damned lesson telling children off and rewarding others and trying to control – you are causing the loss of your own time, you are causing the continued behaviour, and you are causing your own headache. Stop – learn! Just like you are asking your students to do… Stop and learn from them – so that they can stop and learn from you. Ask them why – just like they ask you. Learning is a give and take of information. Effective learning happens when collaboration is at the core. When you only have a dictatorship – that’s not learning. Exchanging information is how real learning occurs, for all involved. Some teachers seem to be under the impression that teaching is lecturing – I can assure you that it’s not. Lecturing only leads to disengagement and refusal of learning and/or refusal of school.
Imagine if we had ‘retention’ goals for schools (like workplaces do)– instead of attendance records/ rewards and consequences and forced attendance. Retention for workplaces is where everyone is respected and given the grace to do their jobs, and given opportunities for self-improvement, training, advancement and self-satisfaction in a job well done. Where everyone is told what end result is needed – and every employee finds their own way to achieve that goal – where they feel heard, appreciated and needed.
If this happened in schools, school retention wouldn’t be about being rewarded for everything you do right and punished for things you do wrong – it’d be about making sure every student feels heard, respected, secure, safe and valued. Children learn when they feel safe. When unsafe – they mask, misbehave or drop out.
Teach with mutual respect, boundaries and understanding. Fight back – against the people who caused this BS – the administration/ government/ universities that often have no idea how to teach or what the issues are in the classroom. Try seeing the classroom as a mini real job or mini real society – where everyone will usually treat each other kindly, if they are treated kindly.
Maybe watch the TV show “How I Met Your Mother”; specifically the episode where they talk about the circle of screams and the circle of kindness. When someone does something nice, you usually pass that kindness onto the next person and it keeps going like that until someone is treated badly. When someone is treated poorly – the cycle then continues where the next person treats the next person poorly – until someone stops the cycle with kindness again.
You are the adult. Start the cycle of kindness. A child does not know how to coregulate. They borrow your energy and your kindness. They mirror your behaviour back at you. If you are trying to punish/reward/ control the child, they will do the same to you. If you try to treat them with equity, kindness and calm – they will mirror you. It costs NOTHING!